Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
