I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
