I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
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Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
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He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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