1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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