Kareoke will never be a sober sport
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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