When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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