So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
