Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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