big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Are my feet made of real feet?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
