Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
