it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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