but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
