Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just found puke in my bra..
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
