don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
