I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
