I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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