I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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