just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i love accidental penises.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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