If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
