I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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