no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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