I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
