im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
