Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
