Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
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I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So much Jack, so little girl.
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I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I came so hard my ears popped.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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