Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
