We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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