tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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