i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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