is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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