Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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