Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
