Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
