don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
