Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
false alarm, still single
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
