I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Tell her she can't have a vagina
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
