How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
