No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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