cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
