I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
