My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
