someone threw a dead crab at me
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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