Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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