he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
