Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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