i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
