if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
