Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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