Duck Duck Cougar?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
