I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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