Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
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then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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