I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
