im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
