I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick