My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
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I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
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My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
you're hired as official boob wrangler