Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
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You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
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We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...