i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.