Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
