I could have mohawked her pubes.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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