so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
