Kareoke will never be a sober sport
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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