I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
