don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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