never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
