I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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