Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
