Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize