I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
