there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
