This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i wish my penis had a tongue
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
