I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
