Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
