I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
